Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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