dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
