whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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