so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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