You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love you.
Bad choice
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
