Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
