i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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