return my video game
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
