Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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