We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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