if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
