clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
