Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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