New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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