I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
