I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
