so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
