pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
two words: eviction party
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
