So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
