Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
