he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
