i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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