So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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