Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
