i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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