It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
