Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
