And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
