so explain again why im purple
no
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
