I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
