my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
