Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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