someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize