i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
