I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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