I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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