Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i will never coherently bang her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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