oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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