i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
