I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
