Do you still have your period?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
