Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
