So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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