Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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