The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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