end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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