sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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