is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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