Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
