Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize