can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
