I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
