why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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