i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
