Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
