standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
