well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
