I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
