She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
