My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
