I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
farters have to be the big spoon...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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