I'm so fucking centered right now
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
