So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
