Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
