Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
