Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
